As the itinerant priest, I float from church to church on Sundays and holidays, trying to conform to the church norms--what they might include or exclude from their services, what songs they sing, whether they stand or sit at certain times, etc. But I remain nevertheless the outsider. I am the outsider who is available in times of crisis as well as those times when they simply need a priest for the day. I will never be a member of the parish, although I work hard to get to know the folks, their concerns, and even their likes and dislikes. I remain the missioner, the ministry developer, and even simply the supply priest. I will make the wrong assumptions about what is the “norm” from time to time. Virtually all of the churches can speak to times where I forgot which church’s norm I needed to follow and started leading the “wrong” (as in the not customary) prayer or canticle.
Yet, I also need to guide the churches and their teams to “try on” different ways to do liturgy, different ways to do church. That generally does not endear me with folks who like things they way they always have been, but I understand the fine line that I walk, I walk the fine line in balancing the two concerns, sometimes successfully and sometimes not so much so. I am sure that the churches can tell anyone better than I can how I score on that front. But, I guess I am doing at least okay on that front. I invested a lot of time early on in spending time, sitting, listening, and of course eating with the people. We rural churches do know how to cook, as they say!
But today I am thinking of those other times, those special times in parishioners’ church lives when being the outsider and the “newbie” is a further reminder of that status. The fact is: as a priest without a church home, I have few opportunities for doing these special liturgies, such as baptisms and weddings. These are special celebrations that intersect greatly with nostalgia, memory and friendships. The persons involved want certain clergy who have been instrumental to their church lives to conduct the services, in their churches. I agree with that goal. I know that I wished to do the same when I was planning the key moments in my own church and personal/family lives.
I wonder at times if I might ever be involved in any of those special events in the people’s lives. It certainly would be an honor and a privilege. It’s not like I am being selected because they like the beautiful church building! I have none!! But when that time may come, there remains a key interpersonal issue: How do I become involved with the service without hurting the “home” team members’ feelings. I am hoping that what I expressed earlier in this posting will hold true. In other words, that I will have built the connections with the folks that they do not see it as an affront but an addition to all that they may provide. The clergy have the opportunity to celebrate and even worship with the people instead of performing. I would not ever want to step on toes or cause hard feelings. In fact I would hope that I would try to incorporate the others in the church to the extent possible so that all feel that they are being fed, spiritually and otherwise. I am an additional guide and shepherd for assisting the church in providing for the spiritual and other needs of the church’s parishioners. I am helping them serve. I am just another instrument for doing so. When I remind myself of that fact, all seems to be just as it should be. I should be able to walk that fine line and soften any hard feelings that might arise out of such a situation. I know impact and intent are two different things. I hope that my extensive training on that dichotomy will come in helpful in doing the dance but also remind me that apologies sometimes will be needed. I just cannot guaranty that the impact will parallel with the intent each and every time. But good relationships, a genuine love for the people and an authentic apology certainly cannot hurt!
I guess what it comes down to is: I can only continue to observe, learn, watch, and pray on that. Yes, prayer seems to be at the heart of it all. I guess my prayer is that God may guide me through the discernment process as the situations arise, so that I proceed with wisdom and pastoral care--so that I proceed in a thoughtful manner that serves the Church and its people. That is about the best I can do, right?
Theresa
